Just (another) little scare...

My children are mean to me. So we had another scare. After what Lizzie did to me when I was 8 weeks along with her, and then again when she was 10 weeks old, I'd say her little brother or sister should be nicer to me.

I have one of those fetal dopplers to use at home to hear the baby's heart beat. It is the coolest thing ever. And for a couple weeks now, I've been able to find Junior Squid's heartbeat just fine, even if it takes a few minutes (or ten).

Thursday, however, I couldn't find it. I tried to find it a couple different times in the morning. Nothing. I didn't think too much of it, though, since I know those things are finicky and sometimes it is hard to find the heartbeat on something so freakin tiny.

So throughout the day, I kept trying. For 20-30 minutes at a time. I could not find it. Each time I tried, I began getting more and more freaked out. Nate came home and I was crying, with the doppler laying beside me. At this point, I was scared, but still thought maybe everything was okay.

So I tried again before bed. Still nothing. By now, I was pretty sure I'd lost the baby.

When Nate left for work yesterday morning, he called the doctor's office and found out that he was in his West Omaha office. He called me and asked if we should get an appointment out there. I said I was going to look for the heartbeat one more time, and if I couldn't find it, then yes, get an appointment.

I looked for about 45 minutes, crying the whole time. It was awful. I was certain the baby was gone. Nate got an appointment for 1:00 PM. Throughout the day, I'm wondering how I'm going to tell everyone that we'd lost the baby. I'm wondering when we'd be able to try again. I'm wondering if Nate would be upset if I didn't go to the BNI social the next week. About how now I won't have a newborn when Lizzie starts dance class in the fall. Everything from super significant details to tiny insignificant details, I'm going over in my head. It. was. horrible.

We get out to West O and find the office. They finally call us in and I told the nurse what happened. Saying it out loud, I felt silly. I KNOW those dopplers have issues sometimes. I KNOW people have trouble sometimes. That is part of the risk of having one. But I also know I have never had an issue with it and I had never had a problem finding the heartbeat. My regular scheduled appointment was on Monday anyway, so we just changed it to Friday. That made me feel a little less crazy.

The doctor came in and I told him what happened, too. The moment he put the ultrasound wand on my stomach, we saw the baby dancing around. It was such a beautiful sight. Instant relief. What an emotional roller coaster though! Hearing the heartbeat was just more than I could take. I started crying. It was awesome.

I also vowed to not get that doppler out ever again. Then the doctor said something about how it would be easier to find when the baby is a bit bigger. So I said, "Well... I won't get it out for a few weeks then."

We left the office and I suddenly realized what a beautiful day it was. I hadn't even noticed before. Funny how that works.

This baby better not pull any more funny business like big sister did.